Forgive and forget?
I’ve been a small person ever since I was a kid. I have an older sister and I started school early, so I was always the youngest in my class. I never felt like I had the ability to stick up for myself. People could literally just sit on me and it would be over. Just like my sister use to do haha. It didn’t take me very long to figure out other ways of getting revenge that didn’t require me to be big & strong. One time I was so mad at my sister that I gave her tooth brush a “swirly” in the toilet after I went #2. Unfortunately my mom caught me because I didn’t lock the bathroom door, so I didn’t get the satisfaction of watching her brush her teeth with it… Another time, my step siblings wouldn’t let me play the Sega Genesis that my dad had purchased for my sister and I. Over and over again, they wouldn’t let me play. One day I got fed up. In the middle of one of their games, I crawled under the bed with scissors and cut all the cords to the game system. If I couldn’t play, no one could! I remember laughing to myself because they had no clue what was wrong with the game, but I knew. Y’all, I was savage!
Now that I’m older, I’d like to think I’m not like that anymore. But the Lord has shown me that I still have the same tendencies of seeking revenge in unfair situations in which I don’t have the power to control. My desire to unleash vengeance on others does nothing good. It may make me feel good for a moment, but I have to walk right back into those situations which are now worse because of the way I decided to respond to them. We want revenge because it isn’t fair for us to suffer the consequences of others thoughtlessness, stupidity and sin! But when we seek revenge we’re putting the burden of others sins on ourselves. And the reality is, we don’t have to carry the weight of others sins and decisions. Don’t hear me say that we aren’t supposed to help people carry their burdens, that is biblical. But there’s a difference between helping someone carry a load that they can’t carry on their own, versus taking someones load onto yourself because you don’t think the person is going to handle it themselves or get what you think they deserve.
God never intended for us to stress and worry; grow bitter and vengeful. I don’t know where you are in life, or how big or small your feelings of wanting revenge are, but vengeance is too big for us to handle. It will eat you alive and infiltrate every area of your life until you finally break down and tell God, “I CAN’T CARRY THIS ANY LONGER.” The way we take this load off is by forgiving the person and giving the situation to God. You may be thinking, “I have forgiven, but I’m not forgetting!” But if you’re still seeking some type of revenge, or thinking about the wrongs done to you constantly, you have not fully forgiven. If you’re tired of carrying the burden, you have to forgive. The first step to forgiveness is recognizing the fact that the world does not revolve around you and that others sins are not aimed at you. There is a spiritual battle going on (Ephesians 6:12) and the fight is between the person, God and the enemy. You may reap some repercussions from being close to the situation, but that doesn’t mean their fight is yours to win or end.
How do you forgive when you’re still reaping repercussions of someone else’s sin? One of the definitions of forgive in hebrew is “Naga”, which means “to lift up”. Once you recognize that the fight is not yours to win, you’ll soon realize there’s literally nothing you can do to help except lift that person up to God in prayer. Even if that person has passed away, you need to lift the situation up to God for your own sake. You know how if you have a problem in basically any situation that you can’t fix on your own, you have to find someone else who knows more and can actually fix the problem? That’s what’s happening when we lift up the people who have hurt us in prayer, as well as lifting up OUR OWN hurts in prayer. Hebrews 10: 30-31 says:
“For we know Him who said, ‘vengeance is Mine, I will repay.’ And again, ‘the Lord will judge His people.’ It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the Living God.”
He is the Living God, the King of Kings, the Prince of Peace, the Everlasting Father. If you believe in Him, you are His daughter/son. LET someone mess with a child of the King and see if He doesn’t do something about it! Have confidence in the fact that He is FOR you and is working on your behalf whether you see it or not! God sees you. He sees your hurt. He sees your tears. He sees you being treated unfairly. Wait expectantly for Him to do act rather than exhausting your efforts in something you have no control over.
Now what do we do with the thought process, “you can forgive but you can’t forget”? The Bible says that God “will remember our sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12). How does an all-knowing God literally not remember our sins? What happens when we’re in the middle of sinning? He knows we’re going to sin in the future… that concept has never made sense to me. But in the old testament it often says, “God remembered”. That didn’t mean He forgot about a situation, it meant that God was about to TAKE ACTION regarding the situation. In the same way that “remembered” meant to take action in those old testament scriptures, I think God “remembering our sins no more” means that He is no longer going to take action as if we’re guilty of sin. See, when God looks at us, He sees the perfection of Jesus. If we really want to be freed up from others sins, we have to stop thinking of that person as the offender and treat them as the brother/sister in Christ who needs to be lifted up to God. When we do this we actually become a part of the solution rather than being a victim of the situation. And it is healing for our hearts.
The enemy came to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). He is the father of lies (John 8:44). The thought that you need revenge is a lie that will steal your joy, kill your relationships and destroy your relationship with God. Jesus came so that we could live life abundantly (John 10:10). Whatever the person has done/is doing is not worth you living a life of victimhood and defeat. Forgiveness isn’t letting them get away with it, it’s lifting them up to a higher power who has way more control than you. Not only is choosing to forgive life to our souls, but it is an expectation of you if you are Christ follower. You are not allowed to be the gatekeeper of grace. Drop your pride and forgive. It’s one of the most freeing and peace giving decisions you’ll ever make.
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Kelsey Brackett is the Children’s Ministry Coordinator for Revolution Church. She began serving as a volunteer in the children’s ministry when Revolution began in 2011. As she kept her focus on God and serving people, the Lord grew her passion for children and her influence in the ministry. She quickly became a team leader in the ministry, which she held the position of for almost 6 years before becoming the coordinator. Kelsey is passionate about creating a fun, safe & organized environment for children to learn about Jesus on their level, as well as helping parents do so at home. Kelsey is from Gastonia, is married to Jeramy Brackett and they have one daughter.
