Insecurities

Tori Cowen is the founder and president of Victori Consulting, where she helps her clients intentionally use Instagram to increase their influence online and grow their business. She completed her dual Degree in Marketing and Professional Sales at Florida State University and has her Social Media Management certification through Georgetown University.  Prior to launching Victori Consulting, she was Miss Florida 2014 and 3rd alternate to Miss America. Tori is passionate about the benefits of creating a purpose-driven social media presence and provides her clients with the “know-how” to sustain a winning social media strategy.

Connect with Tori on Instagram!

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Insecurities don’t discriminate. How very PC of them… but I’ve had enough. One second you’re getting ready in the morning and the next you are self-examining every imperfection you have.

You’d hope that with time our insecurities would shrink, but with every increasing number whether it be weight, age, or the number of friends that are having babies, we fall deeper into the lie that we are being given. I hope for both of our sakes, today we can work together to move past the struggle of who the world says we are and into the freedom of who God says we are.

“Thick” was the word used. One word. That’s all it took to crack the beautiful body image I had of myself. The part of me (dancer thighs) that I once considered a sign of strength became my biggest insecurity. Any words ringing in your head that have been spoken over you? That insecurity lead to obsession. I began working out twice a day, every day, eating out of a portion plate and rarely spoke positively about my body in preparation for the Miss Florida and Miss America Pageants. Now before you start thinking “How can girls who compete in pageants be insecure about the way they look?” Think about this; they put dozens of us “strong” and “beautiful” women in a room and you think we can look around at these amazing women and still feel confident about ourselves? False. That’s when comparison rears its ugly head. It’s said that “Comparison is the thief of Joy” and that’s what can happen. This girl has better legs than me. That one a prettier face. This one a better butt and did you see that girls’ abs? Joy, gone with the wind. If we are constantly comparing every detail of ourselves to pieces of another person, we will never see our own beauty.

My discontinued ‘dancer thighs’ and I went on to win the swimsuit competition for both Miss Florida and Miss America but why wasn’t I happy? You would have thought my insecurities would have quit attacking me after winning such an appearance driven competition but, again, right when I thought my insecurities would shrink, they laughed at me and things got worse. I felt like I needed to “keep up appearances”. Now it wasn’t about comparing to other women, but it was about comparing myself to my prime, my #selfobsessed #bodygoals #eatcleantraindirty body that I worked so hard for. The pursuit of perfection was consuming me, and I never felt worse about my body as I did then.

Below I have put down some spiritual and practical encouragement for you ladies!

Lauren Daigle’s new song “You say”, a current BOP (look it up in urban dictionary) if I do say so myself goes like this…

“I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know.”

The truth is, the enemy is a liar. If we are not consistently reminding ourselves of who GOD says we are, we are defenseless against his (the enemy’s) attacks. Its time for us to RISE UP and take ownership of our minds. Not only does God give us authority to tell the enemy to flee but he reminds us that he has already won this battle. We don’t have to fight FOR victory, we fight FROM victory. Sisters, we have already read the end of the book. We know that we come out victorious and we need to act like it. Ever since the beginning when the Serpent deceived Eve about what God really said we have fallen into the same trap, forgetting what God says about who we are. It’s in the book that you may or may not read.

He says we are more than enough. He says we are more valuable than things of the earth. We are daughters of the King. We are more precious than rare gem stones (that we think once they are on our finger we can be content). We are worthy of love and affection. We are the cap of His creation. Don’t ever let the enemy distort your view.

I encourage you to hold close to these truths and write them down somewhere where you will see them daily.

1 Samuel 16:7 – For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.

Proverbs 31:30 – Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

1 Timothy 4:8 – For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.

No matter how we may feel, THAT is the TRUTH.

I wish I could say I was perfectly healed of body insecurities knowing these truths, but I’m tired of lying to myself and I don’t want to lie to you guys. With that said, I have included some tips and tricks to help you stay away from the spiral that is body shame and comparison. I have done all these steps at one stage in my life and hope you will try some of them as well.

1. Unfollow fitness accounts and/ or models who make you feel insecure about your body
   1. You will be surprised how much peace you will feel after just taking this one step. Mindlessly scrolling social media and lowkey comparing yourself to unrealistic bodies in unrealistic realities is not a healthy way to start or end your day. And if you want to go a step further, start following more people who actual inspire, challenge, and motivate you.
2. Stay off the scale and away from the mirror
   1. “Mirror, mirror on the wall. I hope you don’t have a big fall.” I think that’s how it goes. The mirror is not a bad thing (we are girls and we obviously want to make sure we look good before walking out the door… but, if you know this is a point of weakness for you, post sticky notes with verses or words of affirmation all over that you can speak over yourself.) We don’t need to break the mirror to take back control over it.
3. If you wouldn’t say it to your friend, don’t stay it to yourself.
   1. I’m pretty sure you aren’t walking around telling your friends that they aren’t pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough or enough in general… so why do you say it to yourself? Work on being a great friend to yourself.

Love,

Tori