Friendship | Part 2 – Holly Myers

I love roller coasters. I love the anticipation the comes right before it flips or goes down a huge hill. It takes my stomach every single time. I think my current favorite of all time is the Rock ‘n’ Roller coaster at Disney.

On the other hand Friendship roller coasters are not my favorite. The ones that are full of emotional twist and turns. This week I want to tell you about the second lesson I have learned about friendship.

Lesson #2
How we handle our emotions are indicators of how deep a friendship can go.

I have two daughters. Rebekah is 20 and Rachel is 15. They both are so different when it comes to processing their emotions. Rebekah will cut you off, be done and walk away from you if she thinks you have crossed her in some way. Rachel gets sassy, will bite back and will not talk to you or try her best to talk to everyone around you so that you can feel the weight of her anger. They both deal with their emotions in two completely different ways and their friendships are so different. Rebekah has a harder time letting people in and Rachel has had one or two best friends pretty much her entire life.

No matter how we try to hide our emotions we can’t. God gave us emotions to feel but it’s how we handle those that have the potential to derail us.

As I look within my friendships now and also to my past friendships the loss of friendship patterns came from people being offended by me not being intentional. Those friendships ended rather quickly and I began to stiff arm myself from feeling the constant ups and downs of feeling guilty and mad rather than just asking the hard questions.

Could those friendships have been better if I would have just asked the hard questions? Maybe….

Friendships that stay on this track of ups and downs never go deeper. If we are to trust, lean on and allow others in to see the vulnerable parts of our hearts we have to know that emotions are involved too right? I’m not talking about those kind of emotions I’m talking about the emotions that stem out of disconnection.

Webster defines disconnected as this; not connected to something

When we don’t feel connected to someone’s life the enemy likes to tell us that we aren’t important, that we aren’t a good friend, that we don’t matter and before we know it we are offended. We then feel left out there is this tear that happens between you and the person you call friend.

I have felt that tear many times. The constant wanting to be seen and noticed by someone you think would make a great friend. The more I tried to keep up the less I felt good about myself. Becauae I couldn’t keep up eventually my emotions pushed me to give up. I was trying to be like the person, keep up with their lifestyle, model my clothes and even parenting after them and it wasn’t until I had the obvious realization I wasn’t them that freedom came.

God began to put people in my life that fit me and my view of friendship also changed. The people you desire to be friends with so bad sometimes aren’t the best choices. I say that candidly but I also believe there is some truth in that statement. If you are having to strive, change who you are and find yourself offended and let down by that person over and over its time to move on and get off that emotional roller coaster. God has some beautiful friendships waiting for you and they will connect what’s been disconnected in you I promise.

God wants you to experience full friendships.

Who in your life is never satisfied?
Who in your life seems to always be mad at you?
Who In your life makes you feel guilty for living life?

Are you the one offended?
Do you find yourself striving to be in a friendship that’s not going anywhere?
Do you feel hurt and left out by that person or friendship group?

When we begin to ask ourselves the hard questions we can also allow God to show us the ugly but also the good so that we can understand why some friendships aren’t meant to be and others are to be pursued.

Proverbs 17:17 is a beautiful anthem of friendship.

“A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need”

A brother is born to help in time of need. Let that sink in. When you experience true and genuine friendship you won’t experience all the emotional ups and downs. You may get mad at each other, disagree but just like siblings fighting over a toy they eventually get over it because there is a deeper bond.

Today be encouraged to evaluate your own way of how you respond in your current friendships and then compare those to the patterns of the loss of past friendships. It may sting a little it did for me but on the other side it pushes you to become a healthier friend.

God gives us friends. I truly believe that friendship is a beautiful thing we just have to choose them wisely.